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Divorce and anger go hand in hand. Letting go of anger toward your ex-spouse may be one of most difficult hurdles you’ve every faced. But face it you must!

Do you have a right to be angry? Yes! The more important question is: “What benefits are you getting from continuing to carry that anger?” Sure there are the comforting fantasies of harm coming to your ex. But in reality that wouldn’t be all that great either because it would hurt your children.

If your spouse initiated the divorce, there are the hopes that they end up realizing what they’ve lost and end up miserable in the future. Again, this doesn’t bode well for your children.

These are pretty universal dreams for divorced people. It’s a part of the process. The problem, however, is when theses thoughts and fantasies don’t wane over time and you get caught up in your anger and disgust.

What exactly do I mean by that?

• How about when your anger gets so out of control that these private fantasies and negative thoughts are said out loud, especially to your children?

• What about when you spend more time than you should, indulging in these angry thoughts?

• What if you think and talk about your ex-spouse more now (even if it’s complaints) than you ever did when you were married?

• Worst yet, what if you’re placing your children in the middle of your arguments with your ex-spouse?

This anger is like an wound oozing all over the place, infecting everyone it comes in contact with. Yes, you may be hurting. But, so are your kids. Your children love both of you. It’s hard to grasp just how painful it is for children when they know their parents hate each other. I don’t care how well you think you hide it, kids have an innate ability to pick up on the tension and resentment. You can engage in those fantasies for awhile, but verbalizing them in front of your kids is flat out damaging.

Another reason to start dealing with this anger is that when you carry it with you, you taint any new relationships you may enter into. Your new partner doesn’t want to hear you bash your former spouse all the time. That kind of anger steals your joy and doesn’t let you appreciate the life you are living right now.

You may be asking, “So…how do I get over this anger?” Check back in for the next part in this series where we will focus on the “F” word and its implications.

Don’t want to wait? I invite you to check out the new e-book “THE 7 Questions to Ask Before Remarrying” at http://www.Remarriagesuccess.com/7questions.htm. This book has a companion workbook to walk you through better ways of managing emotions you experience after a divorce in order to ultimately remarry successfully. For access to the best resources on how best to prepare yourself and your family for remarriage, I encourage you to visit http://www.RemarriageSuccess.com

Tags: ANGER, children, divorce, ex-spouse, remarriage

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